Gregg Popovich, Life Coach: A Guest Post.

 

Editor’s Note: In the first of his “What If?” Series, Kenji Spielman imagines Gregg Popovich as your life coach.  

He is acerbic, plays by his own rules, and he wins.

*****

Life Coach Pop on Going the Distance.

GP: Big date tonight?

You: Yep.

GP: Here’s what we’re going to do.  That nice shirt you’re always wearing?  Leave it at home.  Same with the good slacks.  Hell, even that joke that you use — it isn’t that good but you use it all the time — let’s shelve that one too.

You: But

GP:  Plus that really nice restaurant?  We’re not going there either.

You:  Wait, this is a really big date!  Plus my two other best shirts are at the cleaners.  I won’t stand a chance!  Are you really saying I should just mail this one in?  Go through the motions, then go home alone?

GP:  No way!  You got game.  You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have game.  You are going out there and giving it your all, just…I don’t want to wear out that shirt.  It isn’t brand new and people are really taking it for granted, getting used to it.  There is more to you than that shirt.

You are going to have a lot of dates.  You can’t go all-in on every date.  Long haul, buddy, long haul.

*****

Life Coach Pop on Changing It Up. 

GP:  Big interview coming up, huh?

You:  Yeah.  Tomorrow.  I’m really nervous.

GP:  Well, we know it’s going to be tight right at the end there, where you need to make a great last impression.  You only have one shot to nail that final question.

You:  Yeah!  I figure I’ll just roll with what got me there in the first place, either go with my last job or my school record.  If neither of those feel right, bam!, I always have that paper I was listed as an author on.  I got this!

GP:  Yeah you got this.  But not like that.

You:  No?

GP:  Let’s go with that volunteering you did in South America.  Switch it up a little bit.  They’ll be expecting you to talk about those other things.  But they won’t expect this!

You: But…the performance reviews from my last job were stellar!

GP:  I could give a shit.

The same old won’t set you apart enough.  Volunteer.

*****

Life Coach Pop on Smart Financial Decisions.

GP:  Thinking about buying a car, huh?

You:  Yeah, check out this sweet sporty number!  Total beaut!

GP:  You don’t want that.

You:  No?

GP:  Nah.  All flash, no substance.  No cargo, handles terrible.  You don’t want that.

You:  Well…what about a truck?  Think of all the crap I can haul!  Plus, total babe magnet!

GP:  Nope.  Maintenance is terrible on those.  You don’t want to deal with maintenance, do you?

You:  I mean, I guess I

GP: I’ll answer that for you.  You don’t.  Not in the long haul.

You:  Hmm.  Well I’ve got the budget for it, but OK.  So, this SUV, then?

GP:  Negatory.  Look at the gas mileage!  Plus, you really want to try and park that?

You:  Huh.  Ok.  That leaves me with this…Smart Car?  Affordable.  Great gas mileage.  I can park it anywhere.  This, right?

GP:  You kidding me?  We’ve got places to go.  You said you had the money, get a real car!

Gregg Popovich drives smart.  And now you do too!

About Jacob Greenberg

Jacob is a behaviorist by day, blogger by night, and founded the Diss. Follow him on Twitter @jacobjbg
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4 Responses to Gregg Popovich, Life Coach: A Guest Post.

  1. Ben Cherington says:

    Shit I wish I’d read this before I signed Mike Napoli…

  2. Brian Sabean says:

    I talked to Life Coach Pop before signing Pagan!

  3. Dre Kelly says:

    Great column Bro! LOVE the Brian Sabean post, GO GIANTS and WARRIORS TOO!

  4. kim jong illest says:

    life coach pop is way cooler than real life coach tony dungy. keep ‘em coming i enjoyed this.

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