Take a good hard look at this glorious photograph, won’t you? He looks like a Gus to me. So what can we discern about Gus from this picture: Gus probably lives in the greater Seattle area, he’s most likely a pretty crappy golfer, and I’d guess he works in Sales for a midsize internet marketing firm. Seeing as Gus is such a diehard Seahawks fan I’m willing to bet he used to split Sonics season tickets with 6 other of his ol’ college buddies. Every year they’d probably have a big party where they’d divvy up the games and take turns putting on the sacred lucky beer helmet. Ah, the good old days.
But alas – the good old days have come and gone – and tonight Gus is just an embittered old sports fan who has a great disdain for the Heat and a pure loathing of all things Oklahoma City. How can he justify watching the sport he loves when he knows one of these two teams is going to win?
Fear not, Gus. We got you covered. Sit back, dust off the old helmet from the basement, and reheat your Taco Bell from last night…I introduce to you, The 2012 NBA Finals Drinking Game:
Beverage Choices: If you’re pulling for Miami – mix yourself a tropical mojito complete with bendy straw and umbrella.
If you’re pulling for OKC – grab yourself an expired lager or stout from the back of your pantry or garage.
One Drink For:
- Every empty court side seat in Miami at tip
- Every missed 3 from Mike Miller
- Every cliche uttered by Spoelstra or Brooks during an “inside the huddle” segment
- Every technical called (2 for a Perkins tech)
- Every flop
- Every time Nick Collison draws a charge
- CHUG ANYTIME THE HEAT ANNOUNCER PROLONGS A SYLLABLE
- Every time someone makes the NBA FACE
- Every time they show LBJ’s mother (Finish your drink if Delonte West is sitting next to her)
- Every time a Spiderman cross promotion airs OR take the physical challenge: attempt to scale the walls in your apartment/home/bar and kiss somebody upside down
- Every time one of the big 3 screams at Chalmers
- Every time Harden checks into the game
- Every time Harden’s beard checks into the game
- Every time Westbrook over dribbles and turns it over
- Every time Westrook over dribbles yet somehow turns into a spectacular play
- Every time Turiaf over celebrates on the bench (2 if his towel is involved)
- Every time they show a celebrity in the crowd (If it’s Pitbull spit your drink out and scream “DA LE!”)
- Every person wearing sunglasses (2 if it completes their outfit of all white linen)
And of course – spill some out for the good people in the Emerald City.
Have any more rules? Comment and let us know.