OKCupid Season Preview: Brooklyn Nets (#13)

Details
Username2Kool4Skool
LocationBrooklyn
Age15/M
DivisionAtlantic
2011-12 Record22-44
2011-12 Adjusted Record27-55
2012-13 Predicted Record45-37
Season Goal#1 in Jersey Sales

My self-summary
Hello Brooklyn, how you doin’?
Where you goin’? Can I come to?
And if I can, I’m a be your man
You could be my lady and have my baby

Ugh, I’ve been trying to move to Brooklyn for 4 years, and all of a sudden EVERYBODY thinks Brooklyn is cool. I mean, I’m not trying to brag or anything, but I’ve been in Brooklyn since before it was cool, and now everybody is like “oh you’re going to sell PBR and flannel jerseys at the Barclays Center” and I’m like smh.

Same thing is happening with my jerseys. I got these awesome black jerseys designed by JAY-Z and then the Spurs copy me and do the exact same thing! I mean, the jerseys are so cool that even the Oakland Raiders, and NFL team, copied them! I know I shouldn’t care because Oakland and Texas can’t even compare to Brooklyn, but I pride myself on my originality, and it hurts me when others don’t feel the same way.

Not to continue hating on other teams, but I’m not even the only team in New York City anymore, the Knicks are here too! It’s like, NYC has always been cool, why does it take me to move to Brooklyn for everybody to realize this?

I just got into this underground band called the Beastie Boys, and they have this song called “No Sleep Till Brooklyn”. I’ve been listening to it over and over, and there’s this line I like:

Step off homes, get out of my way
Taxing little girlies form here to L.A.
Waking up before I get to sleep
‘Cause I’ll be rocking this party eight days a week

We’ll be rocking this party 8 days a week

What I’m doing with my life
Currently I am doing everything possible to alienate anybody and everybody from New Jersey. I’m all Brooklyn now baby.

I’m really good at
Offense. With Deron, Joe, Gerald, Kris and Brook there’s not going to be nearly enough shots to go around, that’s how good they are!

The six things I could never do without
Rubles, taxpayer paid infrastructure, Brooklyn, originality, Brook Lopez, Dwight Howard

I spend a lot of time thinking about
What’s Long Island? Like, is it an island? Is it part of New York City, or is it Connecticut or something?

On a typical Friday night I am
I hate the phrase “typical Friday night” because there’s no typical Friday night in Brooklyn, everything is new and special and awesome!

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have committed $76 million to players for the 2015-16 season already, and it is not clear that I am substantially better than the Atlanta Hawks with Joe Johnson ever were.

I’m looking for
Nobody. If you’re not a fan of the Nets already, you’re too late

About Kevin Draper

Kevin “Franklin Mieuli” Draper was born and raised in Oakland, California, and loves it more than you can possibly imagine. Follow him on Twitter @kevinmdraper
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