OKCupid Season Preview: Dallas Mavericks (#10)

Details
UsernameDIRKS_OFFICE
LocationDallas, TX
Age44/M
DivisionSouthwest
2011-12 Record36-30
2011-12 Adjusted Record45-37
2012-13 Predicted Record47-35
Season GoalProfitable NBA Playoffs

My self-summary
I was an established, successful and hardworking team. Led by CEO Dirk Nowitzki, I posted a winning record every quarter since the 2000-01 season. I was a Marc Stein Power Rankings Top 10 team and was traded on John Hollinger’s Team Exchange. The Mavericks name was one of the most well respected names in the NBA. I reached the top in 2011 surprisingly generating more revenue than the favored Miami Heat.

That all ended on December 9, 2011 when owner Mark Cuban inexplicably traded CFO Tyson Chandler to the New York Knicks and declared Chapter 9 bankruptcy. Three days later, things hit rock bottom when favored janitor JJ Barea was allowed to leave for Minnesota. When the season started Dirk Nowitzki showed up to the 1st Q planning meeting drunk, and then stayed drunk throughout the entirety of the 1st Q.

With the help of American President David Stern, who is helping me restructure, things are looking completely different. CEO Dirk is out on paternity leave for the start of the season, leading newly hired Darren Collison, Elton Brand, OJ Mayo, Chris Kaman and Eddy Curry to play a major role in the company.

If CEO Dirk comes back and is innovative as ever, I have a chance at returning to the Marc Stein Power Rankings Top 10. Anything else is too premature to say.

What I’m doing with my life
Training a whole new group of C-Level staff. Junior Account Executive Collison, Vice President of Marketing OJ Mayo, Head of Security Chris Kaman, Network Executive Elton Brand and our temp Eddy Curry all started this week. I’m trying to train them while simultaneously shielding them from owner Mark Cuban.

I’m really good at
Getting it done. Even during the bankruptcy proceedings of 2011-12, I produced a winning record. CEO Nowitzki is still one of the best in the business, and Vice-President of Human Relations Rick Carslisle is great at keeping everybody together.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The Art of War; Difficult Conversations; What Color is Your Parachute?; The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; How to be a Star at Work; Oh, the Places You’ll Go; In Search of Excellence; Selling the Invisible; How to Become a Rainmaker; Toyota Production System; Now, Discover Your Strengths; The Monk and the Riddle, Moneyball, When Genius Failed, The Wisdom of the Crowds, Beyond the Core, The Lexus and the Olive Tree

I spend a lot of time thinking about
How different would things have been if Tyson Chandler had been resigned? Could we have delayed bankruptcy proceedings by another year to take a shot at the NBA Finals?

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Even I can’t stand Mark Cuban.

I’m looking for
Youth, spark, verve, audacity, spirit, enthusiasm, vigor, energy, pep, dynamism, elan, vitality, vivacity, buoyancy, liveliness, animation, zest, sparkle, charisma, spirit, ebullience, exuberance, life, brio, gusto, eagerness, keenness, passion, zeal, relish, feeling, ardor, fire

You should message me if
You are looking for a steady winner. I’m not flashy, but I am a gentle, attentive lover.

About Kevin Draper

Kevin “Franklin Mieuli” Draper was born and raised in Oakland, California, and loves it more than you can possibly imagine. Follow him on Twitter @kevinmdraper
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