OKCupid Season Preview: Los Angeles Lakers (#3)

LocationSanta Monica, CA
2011-12 Record41-25
2011-12 Adjusted Record51-31
2012-13 Predicted Record58-24
Season GoalTranscendence

My self-summary
Lakers! Lllllakers!

What I’m doing with my life
Now that the present is figured out, I’m mainly planning for the future. Later this week I have a meeting with Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa to plan our championship parade for early next summer. I’m thinking of having the team sit atop the Space Shuttle Endeavour as it crawls through LA, but that might not be epic enough for this team.

I’m also reaching out to LeBron James’ agent to plan his opt-out and eventual sign-and-trade in 2014.

I’m really good at

The first things people usually notice about me
My chest bling.

The six things I could never do without
It is the media that couldn’t do without me

I spend a lot of time thinking about
What would it feel like to roll around in a pile of superstars? I’ve already done the Scrooge McDuck thing, and that was pretty great. I think I could get Dwight, Kobe, Paul, Metta and Steve to lie down in a reclaimed ball pit and just dive into them. That would probably feel even better than a nude mudbath.

On a typical Friday night I am
Hittin the Sunset Strip and trollin Clippers fans. I like to start shit with them, and then as soon as they push me I fall over theatrically as I pull of my jacket to reveal a Blake Griffin jersey.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m only nine inches, not ten.

I’m looking for
Zoe Kravitz, Brooklyn Decker, Vanessa Hudgens, Rooney Mara, Emma Stone

You should message me if
You shouldn’t. I’ll message you.

About Kevin Draper

Kevin “Franklin Mieuli” Draper was born and raised in Oakland, California, and loves it more than you can possibly imagine. Follow him on Twitter @TheDissNBA
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